IMPORTANT DATES AND THE PERFECT GIFT - Final Chapter

    My wife, on the other hand, has no problem with this.  Just the other day she announced triumphantly, “I found the perfect gift for you.”

     “What’s the perfect gift?” I asked warily. 

     “It’s an HPS,” she answered. 

     “What’s an HPS?”

     “It’s a ‘Husband Positioning System.’”  It’s a terrific little device that can be attached to your belt or suspenders.  It gives you the exact location of the clothes hamper, with opening and closing instructions.  It also gives directions to the clothes closet, with instructions on how to hang your clothes, how to fold and place your clothes in your drawer.  There are directions to other exotic locales as well, such as the garbage, washer and dryer, and the dishwasher, not to mention the vacuum cleaner, duster, and various other handy tools.  It will even re-calculate if you miss your turn and walk by garbage that needs to be taken out.”

      “Wow, you can’t beat those features.”

     “Yes, and it even warns you if there are distractions ahead, such as a ballgame on TV, or a fishing pole calling your name.”

      Personally, I love a good distraction now and then.  Nevertheless, I agreed to try this new gadget.  I was surprised by the voice giving instructions.  It sounded like the voice of my wife.   Wherever I went, the voice would say, “Distraction ahead.  Make a U-turn right now.  There is a better way.”  I finally turned off the HPS and picked the distraction of my choice.  

 

     “How do you like it?” my wife asked the next morning.

     “I’m afraid the technology is far beyond most husbands,” I answered.

    “I guess I’ll have to return it and get my money back,” my wife said, disappointingly.

 

     “While you’re doing that, I’m going to take this old fishing pole out to the lake, and see if it has any fish left in it,” I said as I jumped in the car and sped away.

      Life was good again.  I was enjoying the perfect gift.   

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