SHOPPING DISORDERS AND THE MALL SPIRIT- Segment 4


        To sort out the matter, I decided to read the article.  I discovered a person can give the wrong gift.  Fruitcakes--a delight of Christmases past--are now on the list of gifts that are unacceptable.  So it ISN’T the “thought that counts.”  The article stated that a fruitcake is one of the gifts you’re mostly likely to get a return on, whether it’s returned the day after Christmas or the following Christmas. 
  

     After giving it some thought, I returned the Fruitcake I had just received from a friend, informing him that it was no longer in the “thoughts that count” category.  I hoped it wouldn’t mark the beginning of a long, drawn-out Fruitcake War.  I didn’t want to find any roadside fruitcakes that had to be detonated.  Not taking any chances, I bought a fruitcake-sniffing dog. 

     My friend wrote back, suggesting we call it a rotating “Trophy Fruitcake.”  He would keep it for a year, and then I would keep it for a year.  I wrote a reply.  “Nice thought,” I said, “but I don’t think the fruitcake would be up to it.  You can keep it.”  I haven’t heard from him in several years.  Not taking any chances, I kept the fruitcake-sniffing dog.  

    

      Even though my wife insists it’s the “thought that counts,” I’ve decided to surprise her for our anniversary this year.  Instead of giving her “thoughts that count”, I have some “good intentions.”  I hope she likes them.  Of course, the biggest problem with “good intentions” is that they’re hard to wrap, and I never have enough wrapping paper. 

   

       I had some “good intentions” for her birthday, but they got misplaced, and I never did find them.  So my body just sat, or reclined; I don’t quite remember; whichever was more comfortable.  Fortunately, after a neck adjustment by my wife, an alarm went off, and a message flashed across my brain screen, “Abandon Recliner, Abandon Recliner!  No, your lifesaver is not under your recliner.  It can be found on aisle 12 in the jewelry section at Macy’s.  You must hurry!”

         It’s always nice to get some help when you’re looking for the perfect gift. 
 

     My wife, on the other hand, has no problem with this.  Just the other day she announced...


To be continued...check back soon