IMPORTANT DATES AND THE PERFECT GIFT - Segment 2

     When I do get an important date in my sights, it’s usually behind me.  Just the other day, while driving to work, I looked up, and there, in my rear view mirror, was an important date.  It was tailgating me.  I hate tailgaters.  So I tried to outrun it, but it stayed right behind me.   I finally pulled off the road and stopped.  It pulled off the road and stopped.  I got out and walked to the back of the car.  Taped on the back window was February 14, pictured with a heart and a box of chocolates; a little creative reminder from my wife.      Rushing to the store, I encountered numerous other men pawing through the chocolates.  They must have had the same date taped to their back window.  

  
     There is a rare breed of men who seem to remember every important date.  But they are extremely hard to find.  I was fortunate enough to see one on display at our local museum.  He was discovered at a nearby archeological dig.  I think he dated back before my time.  He was still holding a box of dried chocolates and petrified flowers.

     The cause of death was head trauma; a blow to the head from another important date.  This is why I’m thankful my wife keeps track of all this…like Cow Appreciation Day.  I would forget that day every year if it wasn’t for my wife.  Even then, I have trouble sending a cow flowers, considering the run-ins I had with them as a kid.  

   

     It’s hard enough keeping track of all the important dates, but even more elusive is the perfect gift.   It’s this elusiveness that causes my anxiety level to reach critical mass.  As soon as I enter a store in search of the perfect gift, I’m like a deer in headlights. I don’t know which way to go.  I give a body fake one way, then the other.  Not knowing which way to run, I freeze, and immediately become an ornament on someone’s shopping cart.  One day I expect to find myself mounted on someone’s wall, over their mantle, still peering through the cart. 

      “That’s an unusual rack.  Where did you bag him?”

      “In the mall; I was hunkered down behind a ‘clothes blind.’  He walked around the ‘blind’ and froze.  My cart hit him square-on.” 

To be continued...check back soon