SHOPPING DISORDERS AND THE MALL SPIRIT - Segment 2 (scroll down for opening segment)


     My gift spoke volumes about my shopping prowess. “You must have S.A.D.,” said a family member. 
   

     “What’s S.A.D?” I asked. 

    “Shopping Anxiety Disorder,” they replied.  “Shopping creates anxiety in your life.  Trying to find a gift makes you anxious.  Trying to find the ‘perfect’ gift can cause a ‘panic attack.’”  

     This was the first time anyone had identified the malady I had been living with for years.  

      Now I understood why I found it more relaxing hunting wild boar with a stick. 

     Because of my “S.A.D.,” I’ve become extremely interested in others who struggle with shopping maladies.  They provide great writing material.  

     Not long ago I spotted an article on “RTD” (Retail Therapy Disease), commonly known as “Comfort Shopping.”  I got excited.  I had never experienced any comfort in shopping.  I thought this article might help me deal with my shopping anxieties.  Instead, the article explained the reasons some women are compulsive shoppers.  It also suggested a possible cure.

     

     Not long after I read the article, I received a call from my friend, Fred.  His wife had just been diagnosed with “RTD.”  She was apparently exposed through contact with her daughter-in-law.  The doctor said she had a highly aggressive form of “comfort shopping,” although Fred didn’t find much comfort in it.  There was the possibility it might not be curable. 

    

     “I should have suspected a problem at Christmas, when she asked for a personalized shopping cart with her name engraved on the handle,” moaned Fred.  “Now it seems like they spend every moment together,” he went on.

      I felt terrible for Fred; losing his wife’s love to a shopping cart.

     Apparently, women deal with their stresses by shopping.  They comfort shop when they’re anxious, when work is going badly, when they’re fighting with their spouse, or when they’re concerned about the drought in southern Chile. 

     “That explains why she’s been unable to sleep at night, “said Fred, excitedly.  “She’s been concerned about the drought in southern Chile.”

     “Are you sure your wife isn’t under duress because she thought she married you, but discovered too late that she had really married soccer…baseball…football…and assorted other sports?” 

   

     “No, I’m sure it’s the drought,” answered Fred. 

    

     I told him about the article and explained that help was available.  “Scientists have discovered a drug that may curb her compulsive desire to shop,” I said.  “They’ve tried the drug on seven patients and all seven have shown a dramatic reduction in the urge to shop.” 

    

     “It must have caused paralysis,” answered Fred, with a hint of skepticism. 

     “No, I’m serious,” I continued.


To be continued...check back soon