SHOPPING DISORDERS AND THE MALL SPIRIT - Opening segment
Time is an odd thing. When you’re young, you almost have to push it along. This is especially true if you’re waiting for a dog to magically appear on your doorstep, math to become extinct, or Christmas to arrive before you run out of “good.” When you’re older, time goes by so fast it spins you around like a top. This is why older people have problems with vertigo; time is passing too fast.
When I was a kid I had to wait several years for Christmas. Now it comes, at least, two or three times a year, sometimes four. I’m convinced this is due to the earth slipping off its axis, although my wife insists that I’m the one who has slipped off his axis as I’ve been spinning out of control for some time.
It’s back AGAIN! I’m still digesting my Thanksgiving dinner,
and here is Christmas, staring me in the face---I would recognize that stare
anywhere. I can feel my anxiety awakening
from its pre-Christmas slumber. By the
time I run out the door to do my last minute shopping, it’s in full-blown
attack mode. I call it the Christmas
body slam.
And so it was…and always will be. While all the relatives had gathered at my
in-laws for a festive evening and gift exchange, I was searching frantically for
that special, unforgettable gift. It was
an exercise in futility. “I’m sorry,”
said the clerk. “You just missed our
perfect last-minute gift sale.” I
stopped exercising long enough to catch my breath, but it fled before I could
catch it. My anxiety level was bubbling
at peak capacity. As I was considering
my “panic” options, I spotted a gift.
Not the perfect gift, but a gift.
I purchased the gift and rushed back to the house, arriving in a dead
heat with Santa, just before gifts were exchanged.
We all took turns opening our
presents. When my wife opened her
present, everyone looked on in disbelief, before someone asked, “Is that a gift
card for a root canal?”
To be continued...check back soon
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