BOOGER TALES - Opening segment (Scroll down for earlier chapters)


      Growing up, I desperately wanted a dog.  As an only child in our home, I yearned for the attention and companionship a dog could provide.  Mom didn’t share my desire.  Unlike most sensible dog lovers, she wasn’t impressed with shedding hair, disemboweled sofas, half a slipper, and lawn fudge.  “I would be perfectly willing to accept a girlfriend in place of a dog,” I told her.

     “You’re too young to be thinking about girls,” she answered adamantly.

    
     I knew I was too young to drive, but I had no idea

there was an age limit on thinking about girls.  “How old do I have to be for a permit?” I asked. 

 

     “Don’t worry,” she answered.  “You’ll have plenty of time for girls when you’re 35 or 40.” 

     I would have to fight that battle later.  Right now I had to focus on getting a dog.  Trying to convince Mom that a dog was an absolute necessity would require some hand-wringing appeals, along with some possible blood-letting.

     Before I could make my first emotional, hand-wringing appeal, Mom tried the appeasement trick.  “I’ve decided it would be good for you to have a pet,” she proclaimed one morning.

     My face lit up!  “Wow, does that mean a dog?”

     “Not at all,” she answered, “We’re getting two parakeets.”  

     My face darkened.  “Are parakeets going to flush out quail?”  I mumbled to myself.  No, of course not!  They’ll be informants!

     I checked the calendar for the opening of hunting season on parakeets.  There was none.  I went back to the strategy room.  

    

     While I was devising a plan to have a dog miraculously appear at our front door, mom was keeping a watchful eye for any dogs that might lose their way and stray into our yard.  Several dogs were arrested for encroachment. 

     Mom’s goal was to get canines added to the endangered species list; my goal was to own one before they became extinct.

     If I really wanted a dog I knew I would have to go on the offensive.  To achieve this goal would require cunning and perseverance, something that comes easily to most kids.  

To be continued...check back soon