THE ENFORCER - Opening segment (Scroll down for earlier chapters)

     The other day I was recounting some of my near-death experiences…algebra, biology, woodshop, and school lunches, to name a few.  

     For years my life had been free of such nuances.  Then came that first day of school; after that, I noticed these experiences seemed to occur with increasing frequency.       

     After several weeks of school, they had provided sufficient evidence that I should apply for other work. 

     I quickly learned that who you had for a teacher was critical to your development.  If you were a lazy, slothful, good-for-nothing slacker, you needed a teacher who could nurture those qualities; someone who could develop your laziness to its full potential.  If you got a teacher who insisted that you do your work properly; who expected you to be a respectable, productive member of society, it could be a very long year.  I had several years that went far beyond the calendar.   

     My cousin, Marky, found himself under the thumb of “Olga the Intimidator”.  It was Olga who encouraged him to try for his G.E.D. in the fifth grade.  It began when Marky wore low-hung pants to school.   He was ahead of his time.  It was not the year for low-hung pants.  It was also a time when teachers could pretty much dispose of you in the manner of their choice.    The “Intimidator” showed her disapproval of Marky’s pants.  She pulled them up so high, Marky was peering through his zipper and singing soprano down his pant leg.  His forehead became his new waistline.  This dampened Marky’s enthusiasm for low-hung pants, and stunted his emotional growth for years. 

     Since my own emotional growth had been stunted years earlier---by the first day of school---I needed a teacher who could get it moving again; someone who could nurture my wandering mind.  Getting the wrong teacher would mean sucking oxygen through a straw in my underground bunker or spending the rest of the year seeking asylum in the restroom. 

     The suspense would build with the approach of each school year.  It was no different this particular year.

 

 

To be continued...check back soon