AS THE MIND WANDERS - Final segment (Scroll down for earlier segments)

     To shield my eyes from the blinding glare of Mr. Rottenweiler, I tried holing up in the back of the class, behind the tallest and widest student available.  I even offered him money if he could spread out a little wider.            

     Just when I thought I was safe, I heard my name called…“Mr. Maberry, would you please come to the board and solve this problem?”  I had my own problems.  I didn’t need his problems, too.  I wanted to resist, but knew if I hesitated too long Mr. Rottenweiler would probably flush me out with tear gas, or the student in front of me would get riddled with flying chalk, offering his body as a sacrifice on my behalf.  So I made the long, lonely trek to the front of the class, knowing it was going to be a stare-down between me and the blackboard.  I knew the blackboard would win handily, since my mind was on vacation, having left me for dead.   

     In between bouts with the blackboard, I tried to get a pardon.  I got little sympathy. 

     Since Mr. Rottenweiler was the vice principal, I asked him if I could take swats instead of algebra.  “I would be delighted to give you several swats,” he said, “but you’ll still have to take algebra.” 

     I knew I wouldn’t be getting any credit for algebra, so I asked if I could get credit for the swats.  “No,” he said.  “They wouldn’t transfer to another school.”      

     I asked him if I could post bail.  He said, “No, you need to serve your time.”  I thought two weeks in algebra was more than enough time. 

     I asked him when I could see my family.  “When you can solve for x,” he answered.  

     I had enough trouble solving for R…Rottenweiler.  If I was going to solve for x, I would have to put my mind to it.  That wasn’t going to be easy.  First I would have to locate it.  Then I would have to put it to solving for x.  That might be asking too much.    

     After being held captive for over seven months as a P.O.A. (Prisoner of Algebra) under Mr. Rottenweiler, I was beginning to think I would be spending the rest of my life chained to an algebra book. 

     Then the day of reckoning arrived.  I was hunkered down behind my fortress, when I heard a loud, rolling, thunderous voice.  I peeked over the top of my desk.  It was Mr. Red Flag. “Mr. Maberry, here is your report card,” he announced. 

     It was Judgment Day.  My very future was just inside that card.  Would I be granted my release, or would I continue to wander in the xyz wilderness?  My hands trembled as I slowly opened the card.  Peeking inside, I fell back against my desk.  There was just enough grade to allow for my release. 

     My wandering mind had found the courage to return and solve for x.  It had pulled off a coup and rescued me from algebra.  It joined me for the celebration.  I’m surprised it wasn’t awarded the Medal of Valor for heroism. 

     As I left the room and entered the outside world, I heard bands playing and a large crowd cheering.  I shook hands and held babies.  My mind and I were looking forward to a summer of fun. 

     If there would have been a class for wandering minds, I’m sure mine would have been at the head of the class; probably receiving an award of achievement, although, I’m sure I would have had to receive the award in its absence. 

     News flash!  I just received some good news.  A recent study found one of the leading causes of poor grades to be schoolwork.  I’m relieved it was schoolwork and not me.  I’ve finally been vindicated.

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