LISTEN TO YOUR BODY - Segment 2 (Scroll down for opening segment)     


     Growing up, I never gave much thought to aging.  I figured I could do that when I was older and had more time. 
   
     Then I got older, and learned that time was short.  Desiring to maintain my youth, I decided to join the war on aging.  Before I could join, aging declared war on me.  It was ruthless.  First was the hair.  It began disappearing.   My comb didn’t want to get out of his pocket, feeling as though it was a waste of time trekking through so few hairs each morning.  I tried to track down the missing hair.

        

     “Have you seen any hair around the house that matches mine? I asked my wife.

   “There was some hair in the car, but I think it belonged to someone else,” she answered. 

     Soon I noticed more hair was missing.  I began a frantic search for the hair.  I looked in the closet, under the bed, behind the bookcase, on shelves---anywhere you would normally find hair hiding.  It was nowhere to be found.

     “Maybe it’s clinging to life in the shower drain,” said Connie.  

     I put my ear to the drain, trying to hear pleas for help.  Not a sound.  I tore the drain apart---no hair.

     “Maybe it gave up and let go,” said my wife. 

     Not one to give in to hair loss, I checked several combs and an old hairbrush to see if any hair had gotten caught and was struggling to get free.  I found plenty of hair in the old hairbrush, but it wasn’t mine.  It was much older.

     I could see the war on aging was going to be long and drawn-out.  I might have to call in more troops.

   After the flight of the hair, came the wrinkles.  They totally ignored the “No Trespassing” sign.  I tried some wrinkle remover, but they fought it off.  I tried scrubbing.  They wouldn’t budge.  I decided against the steam iron.

     Without my permission, the wrinkles began inviting their friends.  I didn’t know if there would be enough room for all of them.  They appeared like giant waves rolling in off the ocean.  My cheeks began to look like the site of the North Shore Surfing Championship.  I could almost feel someone surfing the tube on the side of my face. 

     “How can I get rid of these wrinkles?” I asked my wife.

     “Duct tape,” she answered.  “Pull your skin back and duct tape it behind your neck.  If you wear a turtleneck, no one will notice.” 

     “What a great idea!” 

     “Just don’t yawn,” she continued.  “You might cause a tsunami.  Wrinkles coming back at that speed could break your nose.”

     To outwit aging, I was going to have to use all the tricks I had up my sleeve.  Then I realized I was sleeveless; I would have to take a different approach.   

To be continued...check back soon.