THE JAWS OF WINTER - Final Segment (Scroll down for earlier chapters.)
For the more sensible, staying busy with activities is a great cure for the doldrums. Something you might want to consider is the annual Fruitcake Toss competition. It’s held on the first Saturday of January in Manitou Springs, Colorado. This is a great way to get your mind off the dark and drear. It’s also an opportunity to get rid of that fruitcake you’ve been using as a doorstop. If you have already marked your calendar, booked your hotel, and are preparing for next year’s Fruitcake Toss competition, there are some things you need to know. First, always keep an eye on the sky…for flying fruitcakes. They are thrown, catapulted, and cannoned, using various inventive means. I have seen some of these inventive means. This is why I watch the competition on television in my hotel room in Denver. Just kidding! But, seriously, you need to be alert! A frozen fruitcake shot out of a cannon can shorten your smile and loosen your vocabulary if you are hit in the face.
If you choose to participate, there are
rules you will have to follow. Here they
are: First, you are expected to bring
your own Fruitcake. If you forget, and
leave your fruitcake at home on your recliner, where you’ve been using it as a
headrest, don’t worry. You can rent a
fruitcake at the competition for a dollar.
If you have your own fruitcake, it will be inspected by the “Fruitcake
Toss Tech Inspectors.” This is done to
make sure there is nothing in the fruitcake that will hurt someone who might be
hit in the head while it’s flying on auto pilot.
There
are several events. One is the Distance Competition. This is where you hurl a 2 pound fruitcake as
far as possible. The distance is
measured from the point it’s thrown, to its final resting place; not where it
first hits the ground. So, if you make
your fruitcake in the shape of a soccer ball, you have a good chance of winning
the competition.
Catch
the Fruitcake is another competitive event.
Here you have to catch a fruitcake that has been hurled by your
device. The fruitcake cannot weigh more
than one pound. This is so you don’t get
hurt. If your fruitcake is shot from a
Cannon, it will arrive quickly. This is
why it cannot weigh more than a pound. You
don’t want to be drilled by an overweight fruitcake. The winner is the one who catches the most
fruitcakes in a given amount of time. If
you are trying to catch a frozen fruitcake, I would look for a game of Scrabble.
Another competitive event is Accuracy with Targets. No, you aren’t the target. But it’s an event that will test your
throwing accuracy. So you might want to
get together with a friend and practice playing long toss with a
fruitcake.
As you can see, January can be a fun
month. It provides activities that will
help you forget that spring is light years away. And you don’t have to go to Manitou Springs
to have fun. You can build your own
fruitcake fort at a local park, and have the Fruitcake Wars. Just remember to clean up the debris before
you leave the park.
The opportunities for fun in January are
endless. So enjoy the month, and don’t
forget the 24th. That’s Belly
Laugh Day. And we can always use one of
those; it promotes good health.
I can almost feel the Jaws of Winter
loosening its grip.
