CALORIE WARS - Final Segment (Scroll down for earlier segments)

     The CDC study concluded that moderate intensity activities include playing with children; raking the lawn; walking at a brisk pace; playing in a marching band and moderate housework such as scrubbing floors, washing windows, vacuuming; ballroom dancing; and shoveling snow.  I must admit, I didn’t realize moderate housework would include ballroom dancing, but then again, our home doesn’t have a ballroom floor. 

     For those who are overwhelmed by even moderate exercise, the CDC has a list of even less intense activities it says would be at least a step in the right direction, including making photocopies, playing video games, coloring, sitting in a whirlpool bath, floating, and purposeless wandering.  They say an hour of this light activity is equal to thirty minutes of moderate activity.

     Why stop there? I asked myself.  Why not crank it up a couple notches to intense activity?  I reasoned; if one hour of light activity equals thirty minutes of moderate activity, two hours of light activity should equal thirty minutes of intense activity.  It’s been a tremendous success!  Now I color for an hour, or until the crayon disappears; then I make photocopies until my two hours are up, stopping occasionally to catch my breath.  If I run out of paper, I wander without purpose the remainder of my time.  I feel so much better.  Although it wasn’t included, I think putting one foot forward would also qualify as light activity, and could be included in your exercise regimen.

     The CDC study failed to mention one activity I’m sure would qualify as an intense activity: listening to a screaming five year old.  I didn’t realize you could burn up so many calories just listening to someone scream, but it’s an excellent weight loss program, in itself.  After thirty minutes of screaming, I recommend two days of bed rest. This will give your nerves a chance to heal.

     Doing a lot of travel, I’ve tried to do things on the road to stay in shape.  Dodging the traffic works quite well.

     I’ve also tried to take advantage of the exercise rooms in our hotels.  Many of these rooms have a full-length wall mirror which makes it appear there is two of everything.  One evening I decided I would ride the exercise bike, so I got ready, ran down, and jumped on the one in the mirror.  I bruised both knees and several ribs.  I thought I was alright, but my body didn’t like it.  Now, every time I get ready to go exercise, my body fights back, telling me to get a bowl of ice cream and sit down with the remote.  I try not to listen.

     My good friend, Russell Sprout, told me about a thing called Visualization.  “You can actually ‘visualize’ weight loss,” he said.

     “It’s much easier visualizing a buffet,” I answered.

     Russell went on to explain how weight loss is really in the mind.

     “I know it hasn’t been down here,” I said, pointing to my stomach. 

     “Just visualize yourself on the treadmill,” Russell continued.

     So I began visualizing myself on the treadmill.  After a short while my heart rate was up and I was starting to pant.  Suddenly, I stopped. 

     “What’s the matter?” asked Russell.

     “Somebody else wants a turn,” I answered.

     “Maybe Visualization isn’t for you.”

     “Now I think you’re getting the picture.” 

     Everyone is looking for that revolutionary weight loss program.  I think I found one that’s better than Visualization.   I went in to update my driver’s license recently.  While there, the examiner told me, “I’ve had people come in here weighing 350 pounds, but their license says 170.”

     I thought about it for a moment, and then said, “Take twenty off mine, and add a couple inches to my height.  I’ve always wanted to be taller, and I already feel better with the weight off.”

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CALORIE WARS - Segment 5 (Scroll down for earlier segments)     


     During the brief time you’re actually standing upright on the skis, you’re taught how to move smoothly over the snow, using the “slide and glide” method.  I found I was much better at the “split and sit.”

     One note of caution:  Never accept any flattery, such as “You’re doing very well,” while standing in the upright position.  This is cause for an immediate “split and sit.”

     You’re also given two poles with your skis.  They are perfect for getting started.  You stick them into the ground (preferably, one on each side of you), lean forward, give a push, and you’re off.  You’ll be amazed at how a small decline in slope, barely detectable with the naked eye, will make you feel like you’re going full speed down the side of a mountain.  This is the time to get rid of your poles.  In the lessons, they tell you to use your poles to slow down.  That’s a lie.  Drop them. You’ll need both hands free for grabbing branches, people, or anything else to help break your speed.  See you at the bottom.

     During your final lesson, you learn how to get up since, next to stopping, this is what you spend most of your time doing and, next to stopping, it’s the most difficult.  In fact, the trail is still littered with many of last winter’s skiers who were never able to get up.

     Cross-country skiing proved to be a terrific weight-loss program.  I found I could burn up several hundred calories just trying to stand up.  Once I got going, the calories were jumping off my body, probably out of fear.

     “What am I going to do when I can’t cross-country ski?” I wondered.  Then I remembered that the CDC (Center for Disease Control) had just come out with a report saying adults weren’t exercising enough.  I decided to look at their recommendations.  After all, I wanted to be on the cutting block, I mean, cutting edge of something, anything!


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