DOOLEY - Segment 2 (Scroll down for opening segment and previous chapters)


     If you let your cat outside, and your home is not surrounded by the “Great Wall,” you should be prepared for the occasional territorial disagreement with other nearby cats. These agreements are usually settled by a lot of hissing, loud screeching, flying claws and biting.  NEVER try to break up a fight with your hands.  If you try this, it means you are exceedingly stupid, and you won’t need your hands in the foreseeable future.       

     Remember that cats are predators.  They love to hunt.  A cat will hide and wait for his prey.  When it passes by, the cat will jump out and latch onto it with its claws. (If you have a cat, you will need to remind it that your feet and legs do not qualify as prey.)   

     Once they have their prey, their natural instinct is to pull it to their belly, while on their back.  They will then kick with their back legs, along with shaking and biting the prey.  It’s good if you have a small toy, such as a dead mouse, for the cat to use as practice.  If the dead mouse has decayed to the point of being useless, the cat is perfectly content to use your arm.   If you want to avoid scratches and puncture wounds, you can wrap your arm with several layers of duct tape.  Otherwise, you will need a first aid kit and bandages.

     Dooley tried to impress me with his hunting skills.  He loved to bring home dead animals and deposit them on the front porch.  If the door was open, he would deposit them in the house.  I would have been impressed if he would have brought home an elk; but mice, shrews, and an occasional bird?  I could bring them home.

     To stay on the cutting edge as a hunter, the cat uses scratching to keep his claws sharp.  The cat is not particular what he scratches.  It can be the material on your furniture, bark on a tree, or just plain flesh---I still don’t know how they can sharpen their claws using the skin on your arm. 

     A scratch is also their autograph.  Do not ask for an autograph.  If you want to protect your couch and other furniture, cover it with aluminum foil.   If this is too much trouble, look for someone who makes aluminum sofas.  If you want to protect yourself from scratches, check with someone who does aluminum foil body wraps.

 

     In between shredding furniture and arms, cats love play time.  But there are some games they don’t enjoy playing.  They don’t do well with games of Fetch.  They will watch if you want to chase a stick and bring it back, but they aren’t going to engage themselves in such silliness.   They DO NOT like “Spin the Cat.”  Doing this on the carpet creates spark, which can electrocute you and the cat.  Using the clothes dryer as a carnival ride, is another game that lacks appeal.  My son-in-law, who refuses to be named, unknowingly ran their cat on “perma press.”  He didn’t know the cat was napping in the dryer when he turned it on.  After hearing some loud meows, he made the discovery.  Michael said if he had known the cat was in the dryer, he would have run it on the “fur” cycle.  The cat still wobbles a bit, but is slowly regaining his balance. 

 

 

To be continued...check back soon  

 

 

DOOLEY - Opening segment (Scroll down for previous chapters)


     My math skills prevent me from calculating the number of times I’ve seen young children standing outside the door of the local grocery with a small box of cute, cuddly, FREE kittens.   

     But anyone with common sense knows the kittens are only there when you happen to bring your kids along for the ride.  Sadly, those who have lived their lives under the iron paw of a cat are never around to alert those of us who fall short of common sense.   

     So there I stood, gazing into the box with my kids and listening to a doctoral thesis on the merits of pet ownership.  Soon I heard a still, small voice that proceeded to crescendo into a loud, whining vocal duet.  ”Daddy, can we have a kitten?”  I was overcome with guilt.  For years, I had been told that to be a no-pet family was to be un-American, almost traitorous.  It was this burden of guilt, along with a little wailing and gnashing of teeth from my kids, which led me to say, “Yes, you may have a kitten.”  
    
     After all, to be in a home without shedding hair, shredded sofa ends, and sneezing guests, is to be unloving, uncaring, insensitive, and probably in need of immediate psychiatric care.  It obviously shows a wanton disregard for the welfare of your children.  Not wanting my kids to accuse me of wanton disregard, I decided what better way to teach them about responsibility, than caring for a pet.

     I knew I surpassed the qualifications for owning a pet.  I knew nothing.  Hoping to give the appearance of credibility, I determined to learn all I could about these fickle fur balls.  I wanted to be in charge.  The first lesson I learned?  I was not in charge.  I would never control the cat.   Getting a starving pack of wild hyenas to fetch a stick would be easier.

      It wasn’t long before I understood why the cat was free.  Who would pay to be in servitude?  He was already asking for keys to the house.

     We named him “Dooley.”  Almost immediately after arriving home with Dooley, he was outside with a ball of twine and a paw full of stakes, marking his territory.  Actually, very few cats use this method anymore.  Most of them, like Dooley, prefer the “imaginary line.”  This is one of the intriguing mysteries of the cat world.  Your cat maps out an imaginary line that runs all around your property.  This is the Territorial Rights line.  Your cat is the only one who knows the location of this imaginary line.  This bothers me.  I hate not knowing. 

     Dooley refused to show me the line.  If I knew where it was, I would dig it up.  Anyway, along this boundary is the EWS (Eerie Warning System), a high frequency alarm which only your cat can hear.  Any cat crossing the line triggers the EWS. (This is precisely why I would dig it up.) Your cat then sends out his own warning, a blood-curdling screech which usually awakens you in the middle of the night.  Fortunately, there is a plate glass window between your cat and the intruder, which saves fur and bloodshed.

     I’m certain that a ten foot high cement barrier surrounding the house would be more effective, and certainly quieter.  But the cat is not paying for it.  

 

 

To be continued...check back soon